Understanding What We Don't Understand

Grief is so unique for everyone which makes it difficult & often times impossible for others to truly understand how you feel, even within your own family. Grief is based on the relationship we had with the person that died. Was it a close intimate relationship? Or was it full of turmoil & strife? Were your last words with them loving or harsh? These answers will all have a direct affect on your grieving process. Your healing process will even be different and may take longer than you expect based on your relationship with your child and God himself.

Psalm 147:3

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

A bereaved father will feel differently than the mother even though they are grieving the same child. Just as a bereaved parent cannot relate to a widow or widower's grief unless they have also experienced that death as well.

John 13:7 Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."

Trying to teach a world about grief seems almost impossible. We can give them a glimpse of what our shattered world looks like, but they will never fully understand it unless that death knocks on their door.

For me it's as if we live in these protective bubbles or we are wrapped in a veil and when our child dies that bubble bursts & the veil is stripped away. We are now exposed to a depth of pain & death we've never experienced before, just as it is happening in our world today. It almost reminds me of when Adam & Eve sinned, they lived in this perfect world until they sinned and than their eyes were opened to a world they wanted no part of as it was full of pain and death.

Genesis 3:7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Just as a bereaved parent gains a new awareness of a world they knew nothing of prior to their child(ren)s death, they will long to be with their child and wish they were not separated from them. Just as Adam and Eve did not want to be separated from God.

Friends if you have a loved one who is grieving or perhaps you are a bereaved parent yourself can I encourage you to have patience with them or yourself? This grief journey is a heavy burden to carry, allow everyone the time and space needed to heal. Allow everyone to move through their grief at their own pace without judgment, especially when it's not on your time table.

Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Always remember no two people grieve alike, we need to become more tolerant and understanding, especially when you can't possibly fathom all they have endured. Remove the judgment you have towards them, love them through this arduous process as this will be one of the hardest journeys they will experience in their lives.

Romans 12:9-15

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Written by: Jill Theriault

Crossroads Coaching - @crossroadscoachingongodstime