Being a bereaved parent myself, I wanted to share what I've learned on my grief journey over the years & pray you will find it helpful on your journey as well.  I hope you'll be encouraged to keep putting one foot in front of the other, whether you are newly bereaved or not, because grief will always be apart of our journey. 

 

In 1998 our son Nathan passed away two weeks after his 2nd Birthday from Meningitis.  We started attending the Bereaved Parents of the USA support group and a year & a half later I became the Newsletter Editor, then a Chapter Leader.  This support group helped my husband Curt & I tremendously, it's where we learned how differently everyone grieves especially the two of us.  We witnessed people turning to God for strength, some turned away from God, few turned to alcohol while others became workaholics only to find it numbed the pain short term but in the end it prolonged their grief process.

Being surrounded by parents who experienced the death of their children & grandchildren in many different circumstances brought comfort because we all understood & shared the profound sadness that came with our loss.  It was a group none of us wanted to be apart of, yet for the first time we were with a group of parents who understood the depth of our pain.  As time went on I began to appreciate my situation, I was grateful Nathan was home when he passed.  It's through this chapter that I found a deep appreciation for authentic people, because they shared their raw emotions & deepest thoughts without judgment.  Not only were new friendships formed by this unique bond, but some became like family to us. 

 

As a Chapter Leader for BP/USA, I had the opportunity to share tools & grief materials that offered encouragement and support to parents and grandparents with their grief.  For me, it was an honor to be in this position because I was touched by every child’s story I heard and blessed by every parent and grandparent I met.  This position was the turning point in my grief journey, the saying is true "when you help others & you begin to help yourself."  

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The first year was hard experiencing all the "firsts" without Nathan.  However, the second year was even more difficult because that was when the numbness wore off and reality set in.  He was REALLY gone.  I struggled to do daily tasks, I'd drive to the grocery store only to forget where I was going, often times drove back home because I couldn't remember.  I forgot friends last names, I couldn't focus on simple tasks that we normally do without thinking.  My mind was in a constant fog.  Grief affects every aspect of your life, it makes you question your own mortality, what your purpose in life is and it can even make you question Gods plan.

 

In the past 25+ years I have learned is you never get over the death of your child, you just don’t.  The love you have for your child will always be there, you will always miss them & long to see their smile again or to hold them one more time.  Everyone's grief journey is unique to them, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.  I believe the depth of our pain is an indicator of just how much you loved your child or loved one who passed on.  With good intentions, people will tell you what you should or should not do, the best thing you can do is what feels right for you.  If you're not ready to get rid of  your child's clothes or toys then don't.  Do not feel pressured by the outside world to do anything you are not ready to do, I can speak from personal experience it only brings regrets later on. 

 

Thanksgiving Day is difficult because Nathan was buried that day, so for years we always traveled somewhere because it was the only way I could find some sense of peace.  You may find it comforting to stay home and that is okay.  Do whatever feels right for you and your family.  Some people like to celebrate their child's birthday with a cake, some do butterfly releases.  Whatever speaks to your heart is what you should do to honor your child.  Donate books and toys that you would have normally bought for your child, blessing another child is what helped me most. 

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Only focus on the moment in front of you, ask God to help you through the next minute, then the next hour, pretty soon you will make it through another day.  If you look to far into the future it can be overwhelming as you're not able to comprehend how you will possibly have the strength to endure the hardship you are facing long term.  If you keep the faith you will see Gods hand shaping all things for the good.  Out of the worst tragedies in my life I have found blessings beyond measure, even when I didn't think that was possible. 

 

I've learned to celebrate Nathan's life & focus on all the good memories we shared.  Do I still miss him?  DAILY!  There's not a day that doesn't go by that I'm not reminded of him in some way & for that I am truly grateful. 

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So I encourage you to keep moving forward because healing is on the horizon! 

 

​Isaiah 41:10 NIV

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

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 Isaiah 41:10 has become my life verse as it has helped me overcome many difficult moments in my life.

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